General

TLDR: I lost a good amount of weight in the last 6 months and am somewhat regretting it because I miss have more fat on my body and am having stronger feedee urges because of it. Yet I still feel that I need to make my body even smaller because of the shame I feel and believe I can make myself like being smaller.

So over the past 6 months I’ve been losing weight probably around 20-30 ish pounds now (leaning closer to the 30). It started off unintentionally as I went off my meds and then became purposeful and faster. I did it because I felt that weight loss would get rid of my nonbinary gender dysphoria (I’m afa. And the biggest reason would probably be that I felt that I had to conform to society and that my feedee kink was disgusting and made me inferior. I thought I’d feel better if I followed societies ideal and now I just feel like my body isn’t mine. I hate how smaller my boobs are now and miss my big chest that turned me on. My boobs are half the size they were and it’s makes me sad. I literally have a 38.5-27-38.5 inch figure now at 5’10 and my dysphoria is even worse since my shoulders shrunk from 43 inches to 38.5. I used to have a 44-29.5-42.5 inch figure and it’s all gone. My belly’s flat and doesn’t jiggle at all. My body just feels so foreign and unsexy to me. I told myself that I’d eat 1200 calories a day and do 300 calories of exercise for the next 2 months and then maintain my size to see if I’d like it more if I got used to it. Though the more I diet the more sexual weight gain thoughts and dreams I’m having. Is there a way to make myself like being in a smaller body more?

Hun, I think you'd benefit from therapy.

I do want to get therapy but what type of therapist would I go to in order to talk about something like this. I’m currently in therapy for other issues and have a good hold of my life in all other areas.

Maybe a sex therapist? I'd bring it up with your current therapist and go from there.